About me part 3

Somewhere between the pursuit of happiness and the evasion of suffering dawns a need for meaning and the realization of its non existence. An existential vacuum, the futility of oscillating between two extremes, a horrible claustrophobia that follows and is followed by the soul sucking death of curiosity.

But wait. There is still choice. When everything else is lost and nothing exists except utter ignorant darkness; there is choice. The perceptive cannot afford cowardice in thought. You may be misinterpreted for it, misunderstood. You may be hated for it, judged for it. Left for it. And you may suffer more than you ever thought you were capable of suffering, because of it.
But that's no reason not to tempt fate. Tempt it to screw your case completely. So you can watch it happen. Watch life happen. Watch your own will intermingle with the will of the universe to create the beautiful symphony, the instantaneous yet eternal experience called life. For isn't the reciprocal of infinity just an infinity of a different kind? Like Dirac's Delta. Or like a wave of light - Existing forever yet felt for a moment. In a moment. In the moment.

Polarize. Into the highest joy and the deepest suffering. At the same time. So you get to the kernel, to peace, to love - a love long thought mortally impossible, found only in the stories of enlightened souls, at the place where the boundary between the self and the non self fades away. Feel the world as an extension of yourself. As your own self. Like a first person and third person  view combined. See yourself, and see the world around. And when you see both, you see everything. You feel everything.

It is then that you touch the core of the universe - from its analog infinities to its binary deterministic certainties, to the quantum uncertainties that underline and connect the two. Touch it, feel it, tweak it, or merely take cognizance of its existence (all of which is the same).
See it, perceive it. Spend a moment and experience it. Predict it, get better at it. And when you're done predicting, change it. Make it better, make it worse. Make your own obstacles, watch yourself overcome them. Or fall. Be broken, pick up the pieces, and see yourself exist in spite of them. We are all humpty dumpties anyway. Make your own dementors. Nudge the snowball over the edge and watch it cascade down to destroy your world. That's all it takes, gravity - a little push. A little activation energy, to start an exponential chain reaction. Break your bones, break your head, break your heart - do it on your own terms. Feel the high that it gives. Watch yourself defeat fate, and get utterly defeated by it. Simultaneously.

So go ahead, avail of "the last of human freedoms", as Dr. Frankl puts it, and make a choice. In every breath, every moment. Because the perceptive cannot afford cowardice. And besides, it's no fun otherwise ;-)